1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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