he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
