i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
