I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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