Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
