You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
