did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
