I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
