Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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