Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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