you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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