I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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