I cockslap morals
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
