i was born a porn star she said
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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