If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
