Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
