It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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