our cab driver is having phone sex.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
