i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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