I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
