My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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