That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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