his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
