I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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