Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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