My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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