i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Randomize
