Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
zippers are such a cool invention
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
