Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
this is an emotional support booty call
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
