The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You need a sexual gate keeper
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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