If that was your dad, he is hot
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
