it was like his penis was on wheels.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
