tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
