Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
