after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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