Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
