It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
