You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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