I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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