people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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