My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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