I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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