similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
