ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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