I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
