i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
