ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
