And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
