I have demons in me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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