Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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