dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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